The world is a frightening place. But you already knew that; you read it in the paper, hear about it from friends, see it with your own eyes every time you turn on the TV to watch bad singers or dancers subject themselves to abuse from judges with no more talent than
the contestants, or see a web video of a teenager shooting a bottle rocket from his ass for amusement, or get plowed from behind in your car by another driver who was texting "LMAO" to his friends instead of noticing that the light had turned red and you had stopped.
If random violence doesn't get you, cancer will. If cancer doesn't, global warming will. If global warming doesn't, bullet ants will. Or botflies. Or lightning. Or tsunamis. Or the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Or Fijian headhunters. Or just normal everyday activities like drinking water, eating an orange, breathing the air, or having sex with a goat. Yes, we are in deep doo-doo. You should be scared to death, right? Wrong.
Okay, sure, this is a book of scary facts, and the more you read, the more afraid you are likely to be. I wouldn't be doing my job if you weren't. But if forewarned is forearmed, then the more you know, the safer you'll feel, even if it's a false sense of security since you can't do a thing about most of what you read here. But who cares, as long as you feel better? If not-if this information scares the shit out of youthat's okay, too. You're probably reading this on the crapper, anyway, and what better place to be scared shitless? Isn't that the idea, to be shitless? At least you aren't befouling a nice pair of pants. I'm also keeping you regular. You're welcome.
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